An apology to father

Dear Wonderful but High Expectations Father, 

You came to Canada, a land of opportunity, to provide a better future for your children. You made every effort to make sure that my sister and I didn't go through the same hardships that you and mother did. In return, we'd go to school, more school, meet a rich Chinese guy to marry, then become a doctor or engineer. 

I remember when we were dirt poor and we barely had anything to eat. You would always pick the best piece of meat for me to eat while you and mom sucked on bones. I know that you both opted for clothes from the Salvation Army so you could buy me the pair of new Nike's. In grade 8, I undeservingly received a shiny Motorola Razr. Everybody envied me. You didn't even have your own cell phone yet. For reasons I will not full understand until I become an adult, you always put me first.

Mom told me that you were good to me because you wanted me to be happy. A happy Lynda got good grades. And good grades got scholarships. And scholarships was the medium to my doctor/engineer profession. 

Dad, I'm so sorry. You've been so good to me all my life, and I didn't realize it until the last few years. I'm so sorry I never enrolled in the courses that would make me a doctor or engineer. Instead I did the worse thing I could in university: I studied the arts. And now I'm unemployed. 

I've let you down. 

And they tell me you'd understand. That as long as I'm happy and do what I love, you'd understand. But they're wrong. There is not one time in my life where you have told me what I'm studying is what you wanted from me. I can't even prove to you that my "useless degree" isn't useless. I can't seem to find a reasonable job. 

And I couldn't even find a Chinese man to marry. I found a Korean one instead. I know that you've always wanted a son. I can't even give you a son-in-law you can speak to. But believe me, he is patient, and will listen to your advice and stories in broken English. 

But I will do one thing that you've been egging me to do all these years. I'm going to learn Chinese. This time I'm going to give it my all. I have Chinese dramas lined up, and Chinese worksheets, Rosetta Stone in Chinese, and three Chinese textbooks to learn from. I'm going all Chinese. It's the least I could do for you.

You're disappointing (but hopefully not as much soon) daughter,
Lynda